Just when I thought I might be getting into a flow in life that would allow years to move by like a breeze, I reached a critical mass that I couldn’t ignore. It came like a wave threatening to crash my ship. The feeling begged me to reconsider everything I built.
I was becoming like the religious types that I judged so harshly, who choose to be guided by faith and feeling rather than rationale and logic. I didn’t care. Rational and logic wasn’t doing it for me anymore.
I chose to believe that my deeper self needed liberation because I felt the torment of its imprisonment. Only when I began contemplating my experiences with curiosity and seriousness did I start to see how entangled I was in a reality I didn’t believe in.
Then making one decision after another in favor of my deeper self rather than my surface self, I was able to understand my deeper self as a prioritizer of purpose and meaning and that all circumstances in life are illusions compared to the ultimate goal of self-liberation, or the realization of totality.
WHY IS THIS THE FIRST CIRCLE OF SELF-LIBERATION?
The first circle is the outer ring of a water ripple. The ripple began as soon as I made the decision to heed the call of my deeper self. Like a leaf floating near the impact zone, I was propelled to the outer ring just after I let go. I believe that the journey of self-liberation is a process. From the outer ring of the ripple to the core.
The first circle encapsulates the many other circles. Every circle within the ripple is within the circle before it. My path to self-liberation is like that. It isn’t a series of checking boxes off of a list but rather a continuation of the practices of every circle that I’ve passed through.
Reaching Critical Mass has become my safety valve. Whenever I feel stuck or hopeless, my deeper self alerts and I respond. My bent towards comfort and stability will try and soundproof the rooms and put the alarm in a locked trunk in the basement to deal with it later. Years can pass on in this way.
But, time is too precious. Whatever can be understood in this long, cyclical experience is up to me. How am I perceiving my reality that’s producing this alarm? What is my deeper self trying to tell me? In life, what am I choosing vs rejecting and why?
Reaching Critical Mass was like being reacquainted with an old friend. A friend that poked and prodded me into opening up to the world. It was always there giving me the hard facts of my situation, giving advice to abort when I overstayed my welcome at jobs or telling me to take on the challenges of new ventures.
It just didn’t stand a chance against my self deprecating voices back then. Now I see what this long lost friend of mine always offered me and I accept its good graces.
I continue to reach critical mass in many domains in my life, but they all flow into the same channel that moves, maybe forever, upward towards my unencumbered self. Letting go, forgiving myself and others, settling emotional debts. It’s all a byproduct of allowing my deep self the space to roam.
To search the wilds of other lands outside of my home. To experience and contemplate self while giving a lane for the direct experience of my deep self with the physical world.
That’s also why this stage in self-liberation was the most difficult and awkward for me. Maybe for the first time, I had to be honest about everything. I had to express, accept and let go of many feelings that arose because of it.
In the end, I reached critical mass and it set me off on a five year journey through the eight circles of my self-liberation. The newfound power of my self awareness assured me that reaching critical mass was an art of maintaining direction and it is was here to serve me all the way through my liberation process.
I found myself in the next circle of my journey when I surrendered to the transcendental experiences offered by my practice of solitude.
Such a REAL article, and I like the ripple analogy. Such huge changes in our lives when we follow our own paths, and it is amazing how it always brings you back if you stray off course. Mine started about ten years ago and has been mainly focused on life force and energies, with very deep intense understandings. It gets more difficult to find fellow people that you can resonate with, very lonely place. Being lost, is how it feels, dying to find a place to express oneself, and try and make people understand that there is a deeper meaning in their lives waiting to be explored. I see a time when people will need us to help them understand their questions, and to be there through their uncertainty with truths.